


Friendship X And X Love

by lucasloverl



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Crush at First Sight, Developing Friendships, Gay Killua Zoldyck, M/M, POV First Person, POV Killua Zoldyck, i love these two so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-06 05:22:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20286091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lucasloverl/pseuds/lucasloverl
Summary: He grew tired of being an an assassin so he left. Little did he know he would meet the boy who would change his life forever. His first friend and his first love, Gon Freecss.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is basically Killua summing up how he met Gon and how they become friends. Please comment and I hope you like it.

My name is Killua and I’m 12 years old. I’m a member of the Zoldyck family; we’re a family of elite assassins so that means I’m one too. Or rather...I used to be. I grew bored of my life. I don’t want to just kill people anymore. I want to live my own life. I want to be normal. So I left and when I did I met him: the one who changed my life forever. My first friend. Gon Freecss.

It started right after my latest job; I was hired to kill some drug lord. He produced a highly addictive drug and was selling it at very high prices. This led to a massive increase in crime. So someone hired us to take care of him. He was very dangerous and supposedly had many skilled bodyguards so my family thought it would be a good test for me and to emphasize how much they believed in me, they told me to go alone. Usually Illumi watches me from the shadows just in case but not this time. This time they wanted me to prove myself as the worthy successor to the Zoldyck family.

I passed. It was piss easy to kill him too. His bodyguards were actually quite weak. As usual I didn’t feel anything when I killed him, just emptiness. Usually this is where Illumi comes to congratulate me and take me home but not today. But its not like I have anything better to do so I just go straight home. On the way home though I overhear people talking.

“Hey its almost that time of year again.”

“Oh you mean the hunter exam don’t you?”

“Yea. You competing this year?”

“Nah I heard the competition is going to be too tough this year. I’ll try next year.”

The hunter exam? I only heard of these hunters but is the exam really that challenging? Sounds like it might be interesting. I’ve actually been quite bored with my life as an assassin lately so I figured why not do something different for once?

I get back home and Illumi is waiting for me just inside the front door.

“Good work Kil,” he says. “I assume it was a clean kill?”

“Yea. It was boring though. No challenge at all,” I say. It was too boring. I hate it. I hate this life of boredom. I can’t tell him that part but I do feel compelled to ask something.

“Hey Illumi, can I ask you something?”

“What is it Kil?”

“What would you say if I said I wanted to take the hunter exam?”

After a pause, he says, “I would say its pointless. There’s no need to think about such meaningless things.”

I bite my lip. Same answer as usual. Why even bother; every time I ask him anything he just says its meaningless. He wouldn’t understand how bored I am of this life.

“Ok. It was just a thought.”

“Don’t let pointless things like that distract you Kil,” he adds. “I told you this many times over. All you need to worry about is your next target.”

I ignore him and go to my room. Once I’m in my room I think about it some more. Maybe there’s more to life than killing people. Maybe I can become a hunter? Do I want to become one though? Maybe or maybe not. I donno. But that exam though...could be fun. There’s no way in hell my family would let me go though. Screw them; I’m going. I make up my mind to go in the middle of the night so I start packing. I take some essentials as well as my trusty skateboard. Its one of the only things I still have from when I was younger. Then I wait.

3:00 am. This should be late enough so I leave my room to sneak out. I go down the hallway and get ready to leave though the front door.

“Hey, well the hell are you going?”

Shit! I just left and someone caught me? I turn and its Milluki. Oh great; what’s fatso doing here? I thought he’d be sleeping or fucking another one of his blow up dolls again.

“I’m leaving,” I plainly say. No point lying about it. “Why don’t you go fuck your dolls or something and just let me go.”

“Eh? Shut up and get the fuck back to your room.” He tries to grab me but I dodge. I sharpen my nails and turn them into claws.

“Why don’t you go back to your room?” Without thinking I lunge at him and stab him in the arm.

“Oh you brat!” I can tell, he’s furious. To think that his younger brother would have the balls to attack him like that; I bet he didn’t see him coming. He kneels on the floor clutching his arm and I run away. Or I start to anyways when Mom shows up. Great; just what I need.

“How dare you attack your brother like that Kil,” she says, “but I’m glad you did; you’re growing up my dear Kil but now’s not the time for this. Why don’t you go to bed already?”

“Mama,” my brother begins. “Kil should suffer for attacking me like that. He doesn’t deserve to sleep. Let me take him to the isolation room and punish him.”

“Now that’s enough of that. Kil just came home from a job. His bloodlust just probably hasn’t cooled down yet. So why don’t you get to bed already Kil?”

“Mama you’re always going easy on him.”

Since Milluki’s arguing with Mom, I figure this is the perfect time to make my move. I run up to her and slash her in the face.

“Oh!” she gasps in surprise. There’s no time to lose; I just run. I’m not turning back. I’m not sure if I ever want to come back home.

I run into Gotoh along the way but I don’t even say anything to him. He begins to chase me but he runs back towards the house after just a little bit. He must’ve sensed that Mom was a little agitated. Good; fuck her anyways. But its still a little weird that he stopped chasing me. Oh well; I don’t really care.

…

After I left home I somehow found my way to where the hunter exam is being held. To be honest though it wasn’t really that hard to find it. Now all that’s left is to enter it. From what I hear, to enter the exam, all you need to do is find where the first phase begins. First I have to fill out an application, which I do. I guess there’s no point in hiding who I am so I just enter as myself. Next I have to find where the first phase is being held which shouldn’t be too hard. Little did I know that once I got there, my life would change forever.

Getting there wasn’t hard at all and there was even someone handing out free drinks. It appears to be another applicant; I bet there’s poison in those drinks. A few people take some drinks and drink them. Idiots. Well whatever; I guess I can use a drink. Its not like the poison will affect me anyways. It turns out I was right; so some people intend to poison the competition huh? Not like I care anyways. If these losers fall for such a simple trick, then that’s less people to get in my way.

The first phase begins; we just have to follow the examiner. Really? That’s all? How boring. Oh well since I have my skateboard this will be no challenge at all. Actually even if I didn’t this would be no challenge. But then as I’m skating, I see him.

Another kid that looks to be around my age? I though I was the only kid with enough balls to take the hunter exam. Hm...this might be interesting. I get yelled at by some loud old guy for using a skateboard but I don’t really care. All I care about right now is who this kid is and why is he taking the hunter exam.

I get up right next to him. “Hey...how old are you?”

“Twelve,” he answers. Same as me huh? Weird. I wonder why he’s taking this thing.

“You?” he asks.

“Same,” I reply.

“That’s neat. I’m Gon. Gon Freecss,” he says to me, smiling at me with looking at me with those brown eyes of his. Wow something about that smile...its kinda comforting. No one has ever smiled at me like that before.

“I’m Killua. Killua-” Wait, if I tell him my last name now maybe he’ll get freaked out. “Just Killua for now.” I’m sure he’s gonna ask why I didn’t give him my last name.

“Ok nice to meet you Killua,” he says. He didn’t ask. I’m surprised. I’m actually curious as to why.

“Why didn’t you ask me why I didn’t give you my last name?”

“Should I? I figure there’s a reason for it but I’m not gonna ask.”

Hm...ok that’s weird. But I just decide to shrug it off. This kid is...interesting to say the least. This thing might be fun after all.

Soon Gon notices that the old man, who claims to a teenager although I doubt that’s true, is slowing down. I notice he stops as well. Gon just looks at the guy. Why bother? If he can’t catch up he already failed.

“Come on Gon, let’s go.”

He doesn’t move but rather he continues to stare at the guy. Oh come on. There’s no point in waiting for him but to my surprise he gets back up and starts running. Gon then pulls out a fishing rod from his backpack and uses it to grab the guy’s suitcase.

“Oh wow...a fishing rod. Can I try it?” I ask. I never held a fishing rod before, no less used one.

“Sure but only if I can ride your skateboard.” I look at the skateboard in my hand. This old thing? I don’t usually let people touch my skateboard but guess if he wants to try it I can let him.

“Sure. Later.”

Gon and I continue running after the examiner. I notice more and more people are dropping out and it seems Gon and I are getting further ahead. I don’t really care about them but this kid next to me...he’s actually keeping up with me. As I run I just look at him. He seems to be having fun. Is this what being a normal kid is like? Just being carefree like this?

“Hey why do you wanna be a hunter?” Why? Do I want that? I don’t think so.

“Actually I don’t want to be a hunter. I just heard this exam is challenging. Guess not. Oh well. What about you?” Yea I really want to know. Same as me? Or is there another reason?

“Me? Oh its because my dad is a hunter. I want to be one just like him!”

His dad? What kind of reason is that?

“What kind of hunter is he?”

“Donno. He left me with my aunt when I was really young so I donno who he is.”

I can’t help but laugh. He wants to be a hunter because his dad is one but he has no idea who his dad is?

“You’re weird. You don’t know who he is but you want to be just like him.”

“Its not nice to say people are weird you know.” Even though he’s asking that, he just smiles. I can’t help but smile too. He’s pretty nice isn’t he? He’s kinda cute too-oh crap did I just think that? I blush a little, which Gon notices.

“Huh? What is it?”

Play it cool, I tell myself. I just laugh to play it off.

“Nothing I just find it so funny.”

“Aww come on,” Gon says. He pouts a little. Huh...that’s also kinda cute-shit! Stop that! I don’t even know this kid and I’m already saying he’s cute? What’s with me? Sure I’ve seen some attractive guys when I was out on jobs and stuff before but it was always in the back of my mind because I was so focused on the job. It wasn’t something I ever really thought of. But now...agh what am I saying?

I sigh. Dammit; am I attracted to this kid? Well whatever. Yet another reason I can’t get near him. Not only he’ll think I’m a freak because I’m an assassin but because I’m gay as well. Who needs that? I almost stop running but something compels me to keep going. I’m not sure why though.

Keeping those thoughts at the back of my mind, I just keep running and soon Gon and I reach the top of the stairs. According to the examiner we crossed at the same time which is actually a surprise. The next step is we have to cross a swamp. Easy but it looks like Gon’s friends got left behind so he leaves to find them. The truth is I wanted to go along with him but then I began to wonder. Maybe its good he left. I wouldn’t want to get too close to him, would I? He’ll just think I’m a freak anyways.

I arrive at the site of the second phase and to my surprise, Gon and his friends arrive shortly after.

“Hey Killua!” he calls out.

“Oh hey Gon; you made it.” I’m actually surprised. How the hell did he make it here?

“How’d you get here?”

“Oh I followed the smell of Leorio’s cologne.”

Uh...cologne? I laugh. “Seriously? Are you a bloodhound?”

Gon just smiles. God stop smiling at me like that. God that smile is so cute I can’t stand it!

The second phase of the exam begins. Its mostly uneventful and just as boring as the first phase, if not more so. We almost fail because we can’t cook a pig right; what kind of bullshit is that? The chairman steps in and lets us retake the second phase. This time we have to catch an egg from some beast or something I donno. I didn’t really pay attention to the name of the beast. I was paying more attention to how Gon managed to determine the right time to go for an egg even even though he’s clearly never hunted for this beast before. What’s with this kid? The more I watch him go, the more I’m attracted to him. Than we had to cook it which was easy. Come on I know how to cook a freakin egg at least.

After the second phase we have to go on an airship to the third phase. Gon and I explore it a little; I’ve never been in the cockpit of an airship before and I can tell that Gon has never been on an airship at all before. Can’t blame me for being curious, right? We get thrown out of the cockpit though. Of well. Gon and come to a bench facing out the window so we sit on it and stare outside; the view is pretty good, I’ll admit. I look over at Gon; he seems to feel the same. I feel kind of content, until Gon asks me a question.

“Hey Killua, what do your parents do?” Oh no...here it comes.

“Why do you ask?” Is he gonna run away once he finds out?

“Just curious,” he replies. I guess I could lie to him but...oh fine. I’ll tell him.

“They’re both assassins,” I say cautiously.

I panic when he doesn’t say anything at first but then he surprises me when he asks “Really?”

I look into his eyes. There’s no fear in them; only curiosity. What’s with this guy? Is he not afraid of anything? I suddenly feel like I can tell him anything.

I look back out the window. “Actually everyone in my family are assassins.”

“You too?” I’m trying so hard not to look at him but I can’t. I glance at him. Oh please don’t look at me with those beautiful eyes of yours.

I look back out the window. “Yea.”

“Oh.”

After a moment or two, I find myself asking. “You believe me?”

He nods. “Yea. You don’t have any reason to lie do you?”

“No I don’t.” Then something else weird happens; I find myself just talking. I don’t know why but I feel that he’ll listen to me. “My last name is Zoldyck. We’re the most notorious assassins in the world. I’ve been killing people since I was really young. But I’m tired of it; of the whole killing thing. They want me to take over the family business but I don’t want to. I don’t want my life planned for me and I don’t like doing nothing but killing people so I left. I slashed my mother, stabbed my bother, and used the confusion to get out.”

“Oh. Thanks for telling me Killua.” I look back over at him in surprise. Is he ok with this?

“You’re not scared?” Why wouldn’t he be? I just told him I kill people. Isn’t he afraid I’ll kill him? Not that I want to. I would never want to kill someone as cute as him.

“Why would I be? You said you don’t like killing people, right?” Is he for real? I look into his eyes. They aren’t of someone who is afraid of me. They’re of someone who wants to understand me. Of someone who wants to get to know me. I blush a little and turn away.

“Yea…”

After a few more moments, Gon says, “Hey Killua.”

“Yea?” I answer.

“Lets be friends!”

I look at him in surprise. Friends? He wants to be friends with me? I mean I always wanted friends but...do I deserve them? An assassin doesn’t need friends; that’s what Illumi always told me.

“You don’t want to?” What? Of course I do. More than anything.

“I-I do. But why would you want to be friends with a guy like me?”

“Why not?” he asks. Seriously? He doesn’t get it? Is he that weird that he doesn’t understand that I’m dangerous?

“Do you not get why that’s a bad idea?”

“No not really,” he says bluntly.

I sigh. Guess I have to spell it out for him. “Look there are a few reasons. You’re a nice guy Gon and I don’t want you to get mixed up with me. I’m an assassin; get it? I’ve killed people and I’ve made lots of enemies. If people found out I’m a Zoldyck...”

“Are you saying I’ll be in danger? I don’t care about that. I like you. I don’t care if being friends with you puts me in danger.”

I blush. Where’d that come from? He likes me? We barely know each other.

Gon clasps his hands together. “Ok we got that out of the way. So...any other reason you think we shouldn’t be friends?”

In a low voice, I say without thinking, “A freak like me doesn’t deserve friends.”

“You mean you don’t have any friends?”

“No.”

“Well you got one now!” he exclaims with that same silly grin on his face. Idiot; I didn’t even say yes first. But before I can say anything, I sense someone’s bloodlust for a second. Then that old fart appears. The chairman guy. That old man is good; I’ll give him that. He says he’s bored and invite us to play ball with him. He says he’ll make us hunters if we can take the ball from him.

So here we go; playing ball with an old fart. I guess it’d be interesting to see how I stack up to a powerful hunter but to my horror, he’s not even using his right arm or left leg. Dammit; he’s toying with us. Gon doesn’t seem to care but I do. I hate being toyed with. So I decide to leave. In the hall two guys are bugging me so without hesitation I kill them.

Its only after I killed them that I realized exactly what I did. Damn; why did I do that? Ugh I’m so pissed off right now. Between that old fart going easy on us and these two fucks bothering me...I donno why I bother. But when I start to wonder if I should just go home, my mind wonders back to him. Gon wants to be my friend, even knowing what I am. How can someone be that kind? Fuck; I gotta get some sleep.

I wasn’t able to sleep. Of course. I’m just too agitated. Eh not like it matters; I can go without sleep for three days if needed. The ship lands at some kind of tower the next morning. Its the third phase. I see Gon and I walk over to him.

“Morning Killua,” he cheerfully greets. God, is this kid always happy?

“Hey. I take it you never got the ball away from the old man.”

“Well no but I managed to get him to use his right arm and left leg.”

He got the old fart to get serious for a moment? That’s impressive actually.

“Really? Not bad Gon.”

“But I fell asleep afterwards. Did you sleep well?”

Remembering last night, I shake my head in frustration. “No, no I didn’t. Actually I didn’t sleep at all.”

“What? Why?”

What can I say to that? That I was so pissed I couldn’t sleep? He wouldn’t understand. “Nevermind Gon. Let’s just see what this phase is about.”

They explain the third phase. We just have to get to the bottom of this tower. Doesn’t seem too hard but getting to the bottom from the outside isn’t an option. One guy tried and was killed by a beast. We find a set of trap doors that let us inside. At first I’m afraid we’re gonna get separated but then it turns out we have to get down together. Then I find out we have to travel with this fat fuck who tried to poison me. Whatever.

We end up having to fight a bunch of criminals to get further down the tower. After a very uninteresting first round, Gon is next. Now’s my chance to see what he can do. The criminal he’s up against has them hold candles and the person whose candle runs out first loses. The guy tricks Gon but he does something unexpected. He uses his head and just sets down his candle which is about to burn out due to it being covered in gas or something, runs over to his opponent, and blows out his candle. Not bad.

Next is Kurapika. He quickly defeats his opponent but then Leorio costs us a lot. His opponent wanted him to bet with time over a bunch of stupid stuff. Like...if she was a man or a woman. Of course he bets she’s a man because she said he can examine her to make sure. What a pervert. Then I start to think. I wouldn’t mind making that bet with Gon and examining him to confirm. I feel my face getting hot again so I shake my head. I’m an idiot.

Speaking of idiots, that idiot Leorio actually lost us 50 hours. Wow that almost put me in a bad mood again. Whatever. My match is next. Good; I’ve been wanting to let out steam. My opponent is a serial killer or something. Whatever. Wasting no time, I tear my opponent’s heart out and crush it. After I do, I try not to look at Gon. I wonder if he’s scared of me now.

So apparently we have to spend 50 hours in a room. 50 hours trapped in a room with Gon? Sure I can do that. I look over to Gon who just smiles at me. Then he asks me something.

“Hey Killua. How did you do that back there?”

“Yes I’m wondering that as well,” Kurapika agrees. “How did you tear his heart out?”

“Oh I can turn my nails into claws.” I demonstrate for them by doing just that.

Gon looks at my hand in surprise. “Wow cool!” He exclaims.

“That guy may have been a serial killer but I could tell just by looking at him that he was an amateur. I used to be a professional. You know, when my dad kills someone, he doesn’t even spill a drop of blood.”

“Really?” Kurapika asks.

I nod. I’m not really used to showing my assassin techniques to people so I blush a little and then I notice Gon staring at my claws in amazement.

“Now Gon, its not nice to stare,” Kurapika warns.

“Oh sorry.” He looks away.

I retract my nails and laugh. His childish curiosity, its a wonder. I wonder what goes on in his head sometimes. Maybe I can be friends with this weirdo after all.

After a few hours we all try to sleep. I still can’t sleep for some reason so I look over to Gon. He seems to be asleep. God he’s even cute when he’s asleep. Why am I the only one who can’t sleep? I look over at Kurapika. Even though he stayed up a little longer, he’s now asleep too. Feeling playful, I pick up my pillow and throw it at Gon.

To my surprise, Gon blocks the pillow and throws it back at me. Either he was awake the whole time or he’s a very light sleeper. I smile and throw it back at him. He throws it at me again. We keep throwing pillows at each other until Leorio tells us to keep it down. We laugh and Gon hands me my pillow back. We both lie back down and to my surprise, I’m able to sleep.

The next morning, I wake up to find find someone touching me. As if on reflex, I sharpen my nails ready to attack whoever I thought snuck up on me. To my surprise, I see Gon cuddled up next to me. Wha-? Wait why is he-? I abruptly push him away and he hits his head on the side of the couch.

“Oww...Kllua, why did you do that?”

“Why were you touching me like that?” I ask as I retract my nails. Not that I minded that a cutie like him was touching me but…still its not something I’m used to.

“I did?”

“Yea you did.”

“Oh I’m sorry Killua. I guess I did it without realizing.”

I sigh in relief. At least I noticed before I cut him or worse. “Its ok Gon. Its just you might want to be careful. I nearly killed you.”

“Don’t worry Killua; I know you’d never hurt me.”

“Well still; I don’t do that again.”

“Ok Killua. Sorry.”

“No problem.” I look around and notice that no one else is awake yet. Good. I want to ask him again. He did say he wanted to be my friend but that was before he saw me kill someone. Does he still...want to?

“Hey Gon, can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

I lie back down. “Do you still want to be friends?”

“Huh?” he asks in confusion. “I thought we had this conversation.”

“Yea but now you saw what I’m like when I kill someone. And these things,” I say referring to my claws, which I sharpen to emphasize my point. “How can you be ok with being friends with someone so dangerous? For god sakes I nearly killed you.”

“But that was my fault,” he says, “I shouldn’t have been that close to you.”

I retract my claws again.“Yes but you also said you didn’t mean to do it. What if you accidentally do it one day and then without thinking I accidentally kill you. I don’t want to kill you.”

He smiles, “I know you wouldn’t do that.”

“How can you just blow this off? How can you pretend that I’m not a danger to you Gon?”

Really, how can someone like him want to be friends with someone like me? I look into his brown eyes. God they really are beautiful. I don’t want to see him die for just being around me. But I really want his friendship...

“I feel safe around you Killua and that’s the truth.”

He feels safe around me? How can that be? After seeing what I freak I am?

“How can you say that? I can slit your throat, tear your heart out, or dismember you in a matter of seconds. How can you possibly feel safe around me?”

And without waiting another second, he says, “Because you’re a good person and you’re my friend.”

I smile. I suppose I can’t stop him from being my friend. I really really do want friends after all. I’m still not sure I deserve it but Gon if you want to be my friend…

“Gon.”

“Yes Killua?”

“Thank you. No one has ever wanted to be my friend before. I’m not even sure I deserve friends. But if you think we can really be friends, I-I’d like that.”

“Of course Killua. We’ll be best friends forever!”

I look at him one more time and he has the biggest smile I’ve ever seen. Friendship. I’ve wanted that for a long time. And this kid can give it to me. This weirdo, he accepts me for who I am. I feel funny when I’m with him. Nothing is ever boring with him around. I feel happy when I’m around him.

And maybe I’ve fallen for him too.


	2. Friendship x And x Love 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 fresh off the presses. It might be a little early but I finished editing it not that long ago and I like how it turned out. Hopefully people like it. There's one more chapter done which I'm still editing right now. Unlike some other fanfics I tried putting elements from both the 1999 and the 2011 anime in it as I really like both of them. Gon and Killua are just adorable in both, even though Killua's character design isn't as cute in the 1999 one, his personality is another big reason I like him and that's spot on. And Gon is as fun as ever. Just an adorable innocent kid.

Its been about 45 hours now. I let Gon ride on my skateboard and in return Gon taught me how to use his fishing rod. It was the most fun I ever had in my entire life. Gon really does lighten up everything in my life. And now here I am, watching Gon playing with my skateboard. Just watching. Studying everything about him. We’re really friends, aren’t we? I finally have a friend, someone who really cares about me.

Someone who...loves me? I donno if I’d go that far. I doubt Gon like boys in that way. Come to think of it, I’m not sure if he even likes girls in that way either. He just seems like an innocent kid. I smile while I just watch him play. He’s so cute…

Four more hours pass; its almost time to get out of here. I look at Gon. I’ll never forget this room. This is where I made my very first friend. And Gon, I’m thankful.

Gon notices me looking at him so he looks back at me and smiles. I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of that smile. It makes me forget all my problems. Being an assassin. Being a freak. All of it. I guess I really have fallen for him too.

“Remember guys,” Kurapika starts, “After we leave here won’t have a lot of time left so we need to get through the rest of the challenges as quickly as possible.”

“Sure,” I reply, “As long as geezer here doesn’t waste anymore time.”

“Hey I told you I’m a teenager!” Leorio exclaims.

Bullshit he’s a teenager.

“Aww don’t fight,” Gon pleads. “As long as we get to the bottom in time we’ll be fine.”

I smile at him. No matter what, Gon’s gonna always see the positive in everything huh?

“Ready Killua?” he asks.

I nod. “Yea. Let’s do it.” No matter the challenge we can definitely do it.

The hour passes and the door opens. We each rush through it and continue down the tower. We face challenge after challenge until we reach the last one. There are two doors. One is a door all of us can go through but it’ll take 45 hours while the second takes only a few minutes but only three of us can go through. Well shit. No way we’ll make it if we take the long way but leaving two people behind isn’t ideal either. Well no way I’m leaving Gon behind so that’s two but what about the third? Hm.

I look around. There’s every weapon known to man here so they want us to fight to see who gets left behind? Fine by me as long as me and Gon are two of the people who go. I’ll be fine but if any of them try to hurt Gon, I’ll kill them. But then again Leorio and Kurapika are Gon’s friends too huh? So I guess he’ll be pretty sad if I kill them. But I will hurt them if they try to attack him.

As I’m thinking Gon comes up with a great idea. Its actually surprising. He sees Tonpa attack Leorio with an axe and thinks that we can just take the long path and bust through the wall to the short path. Don’t know why I didn’t think of it. Well, I guess Gon can use his head when he wants to.

We get to the bottom of the tower with seconds to spare so we all pass the third phase. As we exit the tower I look back at it. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I think I might miss this place. It is where I made my first friend after all.

Next we draw lots and the examiner tells us we’ll be hunting whoever’s number we draw. We have to take their badges which means they’re not gonna be likely to pass. Oh please don’t let me draw Gon’s.

I draw some random badge and I don’t know who’s it is. Oh well I’ll figure it out but at least I didn’t draw Gon’s number. But what if he drew mine? Oh crap. That’d be bad. Well I don’t want to fight him so if he did draw my number, I guess I can always just give him my badge.

We board a ship to where we’re all going to hunt each other. On the ship, some people are relaxing but most people are on edge. I look over to Gon. He looks like he’s a bit on edge too. Oh god don’t tell me he draw my badge after all. I walk over him, ready to take my badge off and give it to him at a moment’s notice. At least I can still pass by getting my target’s badge and three others.

I sit next to him. “So who’s your target?” he asks.

“Secret,” I say. I want him to tell me his target first. But instead we both look at each other and just laugh.

“Don’t worry Gon, you’re not my target.” Thank God. If he was...then screw that I’d just go after three other people’s badges. But who is his target?

“Let’s show each other the lots we drew,” I suggest.

He nods. “Ok.”

We both show each other at the same time. The number he picked...is not mine thank god but-wait. Its Hisoka? I look over to Hisoka and then back to Gon.

“Seriously?”

He nods. No wonder he’s on edge.

“Oh man what terrible luck.” That’s an understatement. Hisoka is a creepy magician but if that was all I wouldn’t be worried for Gon. He also seems very strong.

“Yea.”

“You scared?”

Gon nods. “A little. But I’m also excited.” Scared and excited? Well I hope he can find some way to do it. But hey at least if he doesn’t, as long as he can get three other badges it’ll be fine.

“Well good luck.”

“Thanks.”

Once we arrive on the island, we leave the boat one at a time. So from here we go out separate ways, for now. I hope he can do it. If I come back and he’s not here, I’ll be pretty disappointed but something tells me he’ll be fine. I wonder around, wondering who my target is and I notice someone following me. Its pretty obvious. Its kind of annoying me. Just attack already. I try calling out to him a few times but no luck. Oh well.

I run to him and some other guys come. I take their badges one by one until, oh my target. Good. Now I can pass. I throw the other two badges over to the distance and go on my way. On second thought if I kept them, it might help Gon if he needs it. Nah, I reason. If Gon can’t do this himself I have a feeling he wouldn’t want my help.

Once the fourth phase concludes, we all arrive back at the ship. I look around and smile when I see Gon. Looks like he passed; I knew he could do it. Another airship arrives to take us to the site of the final phase and once we board it, I look for Gon. I see that he’s talking to Kurapika and looks kinda sad. I just look for a moment. What happened during the fourth phase? Did Hisoka do something to him? He is a creep and I did notice him looking at Gon with lust in his eyes. I know because I looked at Gon the same way.

Once Gon is finished talking to Kurapika, I walk over to him.

“Hey,” I greet.

“Hey Killua.”

After a moment’s pause, I ask. “So did you get Hisoka’s badge? I bet you just gave up and got three other badges huh?”

To my surprise he shows me Hisoka’s badge. “Here it is.”

“Wha-? You actually did it! How?”

“Well er...he sorta gave it to me.”

This surprises me. “Gave it to you? What happened?”

Gon looks to the side like he’s embarrassed. That’s odd. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him embarrassed before. “I managed to take it from him when he was attacking someone but then...someone attacked me. He took both mine and Hisoka’s badges but then Hisoka came and took him out. Turns out he was Hisoka’s target. Hisoka came back and gave me my badge back as well as his own. He said I owed him one. But I told him I didn’t want to owe him anything and he punched me, hard.”

“Oh...” So his pride was wounded.

“Yea…so I’ve been feeling kinda down ever since.”

What can I say to that? What can I do to help him feel better? Shit; I feel useless. I can’t even help my friend when he’s feeling down. What kind of friend is that?

Gon looks back up. “But enough of that how was your target?”

“Boring.” I take the guy’s badge out of my pocket and look at it. “No challenge at all. But at least we both passed, right Gon?”

“Yea. I was pretty sad when Hisoka took pity on me like that but then I realized that I have all my friends to thank for making it this far. Especially you.” He then takes my hands into his hands. “Thanks Killua.”

I instantly feel embarrassed. I can feel my face getting hot again so I pull away. “Don’t say things like that weirdo. People will get the wrong idea.”

And as if on cue, he asks. “What do you mean?”

Dammit that face; he’s so cute. “N-Nothing. I was just embarrassed, that’s all.” I try laughing it off like its nothing. Damn I’m such an idiot; why am I acting like a giddy high school girl with a crush?

“Why are you embarrassed?”

Agh what am I supposed to say? That I like him? “Um I...”

“Oh I get it. Sorry.”

Wait what? Get what? Did he realize I like him?

“I forgot you asked me not to touch you.”

Reluctantly, I hold out my left hand. Maybe I didn’t want him to feel bad. Or maybe I liked his touch. I don’t know. “You can hold my hand if you want.”

“Really?”

“Y-Yea.”

Gon takes my left hand into his. Then I just stare into those big beautiful brown eyes of his until we hear a voice on the intercom. Flustered, I let go of him.

Looks like the chairman is calling us all of us for interviews. I’m not really sure why but I guess its for the final phase. Whatever he asks I’m ready. When its my turn he asks me to sit down and he shows me pictures of all the applicants.

“So, tell me who here interests you the most?” he asks. What? Gon of course. But hang on if I say that, is the old fart gonna realize I have a crush on him? I can’t do that. I panic and pick the next applicant I can think of, Hisoka.

“I’d say its Hisoka.”

“Ok and who is it that you are most opposed to fighting?”

I looks over at the photos again and point to Pokkie. I’ve seen him fight. It’d be boring.

“This guy. I think fighting him would be boring.”

“I see...” The old fart thinks a little and then surprises me by saying. “You shouldn’t lie. These questions will help me determine what the final phase will be like. Lying now would prove to be a problem later.”

I sigh. He saw through my lie huh? Shit; well I guess there’s no lying about it now.

“Ok I was lying. My pick for the first question is Gon. When I’m around him, I donno, I just feel good. He’s fun to be around and he’s never boring.” I can feel my face getting hot again as I talk about him. This isn’t good. Now this old fart is gonna realize I have a crush on Gon and tease me. I swear if he does, I’ll kill him.

“Sounds like you like him. Are you two friends?”

“Wha-? Like him? What are you talking about you old fart?”

“Why are you getting so embarrassed about it? Its normal for people who like each other to become friends.”

Oh he just means friends. I thought for a second he meant...dammit I’m hopelessly in love with Gon aren’t I? Now I’m hearing things.

“Oh. Yea I guess we are friends.”

I can barely look at the old fart but when I do he smiles. “Ok you can go.”

I leave the room and rejoin Gon. He grabs my left hand and holds it for the rest of the flight while I admire the view again but I don’t mean the view out the window. I’m pretty happy right now with him. I didn’t even notice that Leorio and Kurapika were watching us.

When we arrive, the old fart tells us what the final phase it. A tournament but this match up seems unfair. Some people have five matches. I only have three. I ask the old fart why the matches are like that and from what he says, even if some people are stronger, those with more overall potential get more matches. Wait what? Gon has five matches. Does this mean he has more potential than me? That’s weird. I mean I like that Gon shows a lot of potential but I should be ranked higher at least, right?

Well whatever. First match is Gon vs Hanzo. This is stupid; Hanzo is clearly stronger. Gon’s just gonna get hurt out there. And sure enough Hanzo deals the first blow. Looks like it was a heavy blow too. Stupid; I would’ve dodged it. How can they think I have less potential than Gon?

Wow...now this is getting really stupid. Hanzo has just been beating Gon up for three hours and Gon has yet to give up. Gon is really stubborn isn’t he? You lost Gon; just give up already. You have four more matches and its not like I’m your next opponent. You have one more match before that. Then Hanzo threatens to kill Gon if he doesn’t give up. Gon reasons that Hanzo wouldn’t do that because it he does, he will be disqualified. Hanzo says that he can always take the exam again next year but if Gon is dead, he won’t get that chance. Sound logic but he missed one thing. If Hanzo kills Gon, I’ll kill him myself. No...if Hanzo even attempts it, I’ll kill him before he can even move. I sharpen my nails in anticipation. Then something else weird happens. Hanzo threatens to cut Gon’s legs off and while Gon says he doesn’t want that, he also says he won’t give up and asks if there’s another way he can win. Everyone starts laughing. I don’t get it; why is everyone laughing all of a sudden?

Then I notice Hanzo getting ready to strike Gon down. I get ready too. I’m about to strike when I notice Hanzo’s bloodlust suddenly went away and he stopped his attack. He surrenders the match and while Gon tries to argue, Hanzo just knocks him out before he could argue more. I retract my claws as Hanzo walks over to the rest of us. At least Gon is alive and I guess he’s a hunter now. I walk over to Hanzo.

“So, why did you just give up,” I ask. “You could have tortured him into submitting but instead you just left. Why?”

“Well, if you must know I tortured many people and every time I did I saw nothing but hatred in the person’s eyes. But not with that kid. I saw nothing like that at all. So that made me like him. Simple as that.”

Seriously? I guess Gon can make friends with anyone. Ugh...I can’t believe it but I’m jealous. I wish I could cause an impact like Gon can. I wish I can just make people like me like he can. Eh whatever.

“Besides, while I was right when I said if I killed him I could just try the exam next year in theory...I knew you’d kill me if I even tried to kill him. I could sense your bloodlust kid. I wouldn’t want to mess with you.”

Damn; I thought I controlled my bloodlust. Oh well.

Hanzo walks away and the next few matches commence. I don’t really care. Then there’s my first match. Its against...Pokkie. Ugh. I just give up. I don’t wanna fight this loser. Then my next match is against this weird looking guy, Gittarackur. I donno who this guy is but I can definitely take him. Or so I thought.

“Hello Kil,” What? Only a few people call me that. It can’t be! The guy removes needles from his head to reveal...no! Illumi!

“B-Big Brother!”

“Its good to see you again Kil.”

What the hell? Why’s he here?

“Why are you here?” I demand. Did Mom send him after me?

“I came to check up on you. You know you caused quite an uproar when you stabbed Milluki and slashed Mother in the face. You know she was crying. She was so happy you did that. She said you were finally growing up.”

Oh god...this is the worst thing that could happen right now. Me fighting Illumi.

“As soon as she asked me to find you I remember that you asked me about the hunter exam. I knew you’d come. Of course it was perfect for me because I need a hunter license for a job so I knew it was a good way to check up on you as well.”

Dammit; I can’t say anything. I’m starting to get scared.

“Tell me Kil, why do you want to become a hunter?”

I struggle to respond. “I-I really don’t want to become one. I just thought the exam would be fun.”

Illumi sighs with relief. “That’s good. You are not meant to become a hunter. You’re an assassin. You were always meant to be one and that’s what Dad and I have trained you to be.”

I was always meant to be an assassin and nothing else? Bullshit! I don’t want that. I want…

“No you’re wrong!”

“And why is that?”

“I want...”

I don’t want to be an assassin.

“I want...”

I don’t want to kill anymore.

“I want…”

I want to be a normal kid, like Gon.

“I want...”

Gon.

“I want to be with Gon!”

Illumi just continues to look at me.

“I want to be his b-b-b-his friend.” I almost didn’t catch myself. I was going to say boyfriend. I’m not sure I want to admit that to myself or anyone else yet.

“His friend? Are you serious?” Illumi asks. “There’s no meaning in friends. You don’t need any. If you were to make friends with Gon, you would only betray him one day. You might even kill him yourself because you are an assassin, nothing more and nothing less.”

Suddenly I hear Leorio shout out, “Hey Killua! Don’t listen to a word he says! You can live however you want and besides, you want to be friends with Gon? Are you kidding me? You’re already friends!”

I close my eyes. Stupid Leorio. I already know that. But Illumi….

“Really? You’re already friends?” Illumi asks. “Oh dear. What to do? Oh I know; I’ll kill him. Then you won’t have to worry anymore Kil.”

My eyes widen in surprise. Dammit. I was afraid of this. This is why I didn’t want to get close to Gon. This is why I didn’t want Illumi to know we were friends. I look up at him. I can’t let him kill Gon...but I’m too scared to move.

“Oh but hang on. If I kill him now I fail the exam. Hm...how about I pass the exam and then kill him? Would that work?” he asks the chairman.

“Yes. Once you pass there’s nothing anyone can do to change that.”

“Then I’ll just pass and then I’ll kill him.”

“Y-You can’t...” I struggle to say.

“Oh I can’t? And what will you do about it? Are you going to fight me?”

Fight...Illumi? Can I do that? I’m too scared. I don’t know if I can even try.

“I’ll tell you what; if you can defeat me, I won’t kill Gon. But I know you can’t defeat me. Or rather, you won’t even try. I taught you better than that. Never fight a superior opponent; that’s what I taught you.”

I want to fight. I want to fight for him, the one I like. But I don’t know if I can. I’m scared...Gon please help me…

I twitch a little but otherwise don’t move. “A warning now Kil. If you move, we fight..” He reaches out to me. “If I touch you, we fight. What will you do Kil?”

Oh god someone help me! I want to fight for him. I do. But….oh god. Please forgive me Gon.

“You’re right. I surrender. I can’t beat you Illumi.”

This probably shocks everyone but I don’t care about that. I just signed Gon’s death warrant. Gon; I’m sorry. I told you not to get close to me. I like you but now...you’ll die.

“Good work Kil. But don’t worry. I never intended to kill Gon,” Illumi says. At least I think he said that. I can barely hear him. “I just wanted to test you. Now go home Kil and forget all of this.”

And that’s all. I can’t hear Illumi or anyone anymore. I just can’t stop thinking about what I did. If Illumi really was serious about killing Gon, then I just basically told him he could. I betrayed Gon. My first friend and I betrayed him. I’m the worst. I’m so stupid! Why did I think I could make friends?

What will Gon say when he finds out? Will he even consider me a friend anymore? Will he hate me? I’m sure he will. After all, I hate me right now. I’m tired. I’m pissed. I’m sad. Why did I even come here? What did I expect to happen? What did I seriously expect? Did I expect to make friends? Did I expect to fall for him?

Ugh I can’t take it anymore! As soon as the next match begins I don’t even think about it. I just kill the first person I see. And that person is Bodoro. That disqualifies me and everyone else automatically passes the exam. I don’t give a fuck. I just walk out the door and head home. Goodbye Gon. Our friendship was short but I liked it. We’ll probably never meet again.


	3. Friendship X And X Love 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3. I think this is the last chapter, at least for now. I kinda like how this one turned out as well and I hope you like it as well.

The further away I get, the more depressed I get. I just can’t stop thinking of him. My first real friend is also my first failed friend. Our friendship never would have worked and I shouldn’t have even tried. What kind of person betrays his friend? It doesn’t matter I suppose. I had my fun but I guess I am always meant to be just an assassin. Sooner or later I’ll just be completely empty. I arrive home after a few days. I don’t say a word to anyone and just open the gate. After walking past Mike I see one of the butlers, Canary, standing in front of me.

“Welcome back Master Killua.”

I walk past her and I don’t speak at first but then something not even I understand happened. I spoke.

“I made one. A friend.”

I look up and notices when she smiles. She’s perhaps the only butler who I thought would understand. Well she is only an apprentice but still. I asked her to be my friend long ago but she declined. She said it wouldn’t be proper as I’m the son of her employer. It hurt when she said that but I could tell she wanted me to make a real friend one day. Looking back at it now I guess I understand. That’s all I say though as I make my way to the house.

As expected, I’m immediately taken to the isolation room by Milluki and punished, or tortured, whatever you wanna call it. I don’t care. I don’t even know how long I’m gonna be punished for. One week? Two? Three? However long it is doesn’t matter to me. Not at all. I barely talk through it all.

After a few days, Mom comes in the isolation room to talk to me.

“Oh Kil, I’m so proud of you for attacking me before. You’re really growing up.”

I don’t say anything. I don’t need to be congratulated.

“Oh by the way, your friends are here.”

What? Gon? Gon’s here? Why would he be here and how did he find his way here? I’m sure both Mom and Milluki notice the color return to my face. I smirk just a little.

“Don’t get too cocky brat!” Milluki says.

“Now Milluki, he’s just excited his friends came to see him. But you should have told me you made friends Kil. Anyways they just arrived a few hours ago. Of course I doubt they’d be able to get past the gate.”

I lower my head and smile. Gon is stubborn; I know that. He’ll find a way. I believe in him.

“You don’t know him,” I say. “Gon is strong. He’ll do it. I know he will.”

“Well even if he does, you know you can’t see him.”

“Yea Kil, you know Zoldycks don’t need friends,” Milluki adds.

“Even if they make it past the gates, I’ll just tell them to go away,” and with that Mom leaves. Stupid. Even if she tells Gon that he won’t leave no matter what. But my question is why? Why is Gon here? Surely he hates me after learning what I did. Unless he came all this way to tell me he hates me.

Whatever. Milluki resumes the torture. I do get occasional rest, mostly when Milluki is tired or wants to look at porn on his computer or something. I’m sometimes given something to eat but I can barely bring myself to eat anyways. Mostly I’m bored. It barely even hurts anymore, which I think Milluki knows because of my nonchalant attitude which is why he whips me extra hard sometimes. He’s just a sadist.

One day he’s being particularly lazy and I actually fall asleep during the torture. After he whips me really hard I wake up, feeling a little annoyed at the pain.

“Oh hello Big Brother,” I say.

That pissed him off. I smile. Good. Fuck him.

“Ugh let see how cocky you are after this.” He picks up the phone. “You know these so called friends of yours are apparently on the way to the butler’s quarters.. One call and to Mama and...” and to prove his point, he calls Mom. He starts, “Mama about those three-”

Did he just threaten to have Gon killed? No way I’m gonna let that happen. I snap one of the handcuffs in anger. “If you touch them, I’ll kill you,” I say to him, letting out my bloodlust.

Sensing my bloodlust, Milluki smirks sadistically. “Fine. I’ll let your little friends live. But we’re not done yet.” Going back on the phone, he says, “Yes Mama. Nevermind about them.” He hangs up the phone and I smirk. It seems he knows I was serious. If anyone so much as tries to kill Gon, I will kill them myself, even if that person happens to be my brother. Milluki gets ready to resume t whipping me when Grandpa Zeno walks in the room.

“Let him go Milluki,” he commands.

“Oh come on Grandpa! Kil hasn’t had enough punishment yet,” Milluki complains.

“I say different,” Grandpa says before he says to me,“You may leave Killua but your father wants to see you.”

Dad? I gulp. That’s not good. What does he want? Dammit; all I want is to see Gon. Fine; I guess I’ll see him. I break the remaining chain and leave the room. I make my way to Dad’s room and I gulp before opening the door.

“Come here son,” he commands. I immediately obey.

“Tell me, how was the hunter exam?”

I look at him in shock. He wants to know about the exam?

“Don’t worry; just tell me.” His voice doesn’t seem to have a bit of anger in it. I suddenly feel all the worry sink out of me so I begin to tell him all about it. The first phase, where I first met Gon. The second phase where we had to cook pigs and then gather and cook eggs. The third phase where we all had to go town Trick Tower together and how Gon and I finally became friends then. The fourth phase where Gon had to steal Hisoka’s badge. And finally the last phase, where Gon fought Hanzo. Before I realized it, all I was talking about was Gon.

Then I found myself back in reality. This is my dad I’m talking to. I hope I didn’t spill too much, like how I sort of have a crush on Gon. I blush a little at the idea before I glance over at Dad. I hope he didn’t see that.

“I see. So you really value this Gon person as a friend?”

I nod.

“He’s just fun to be around. I never met anyone like him before. Nothing is ever dull when I’m with him.”

“I see. Tell me son do you want to see him again?”

I do but...will Dad let me? Will Gon even want to see me again?

“Don’t worry son. You are an assassin but you are also your own person. Live your own life.” Funny; I didn’t expect Dad to say that.

“Yea. I want to see him. I want to see Gon. But-”

“But what?”

I lower my head. “I betrayed him. I just left him behind. I don’t know if I deserve to see him again.”

“And you’re willing to let that stop you? You said you want to see him. And you know what? It sounds like he wants to see you too. Why would he go through all that trouble if he didn’t want to see you?”

Dad does have a point I guess.

“You may leave with your friends if you wish but promise me something. You must never betray them.”

I nod again. Never...I will never betray Gon again. I just hope he doesn’t already hate me.

“I promise. I will never ever betray him, no matter what.”

“Good, now you may go.”

Without anther thought, I get up and start running. I have to see him. I have to see Gon. If nothing else I will apologize to him. I run into Mom on the way though.

“Oh Kil, I’m sorry but your friends couldn’t wait anymore,” she says. “They already left.”

Bullshit! After all of that, I know Gon wouldn’t leave without seeing me. I glare at her and she just lets me go. I quickly stop by my room to pack but after that I go to the butler’s quarters. Once I arrive, Gotoh tells me they’ll be there shortly and asks me to wait a moment. Fine; I guess I can wait for a few more minutes.

A few minutes pass. Nothing. A few more minutes pass. Nothing. Ugh I’m getting annoyed. Is this another trap? How much longer are they going to try to keep me from him? I burst out of the room and go to the main room.

“Hey Gotoh! How much longer are you gonna-” Before I can finish talking, Gon immediately rushes at me and hugs me.

“Killua!”

“Gon! How long were you here?”

Gon pulls away from the hug. “Not long.” He smiles. God I miss that smile. Its so cute. Even with his face banged up like that. I start laughing.

“Hey what’s wrong?” he asks.

“What’s with your face? You look like hell.”

“Back at ya!” He says with a smile. I smile back at him. I can’t believe I was so afraid. Looking at him now, I don’t see a hint of anger. Just relief and happiness.

I walk over to the others. Um...not sure I remember their names. Gon is the only one I was focused on so I kind of forgot. I think for a moment before greeting them.

“Hey uh...Kurapika.”

“You remembered...” he says, clearly a bit annoyed. At least I remembered his name.

“And uh...Reorio.”

“Its Leorio!” he exclaims.

Heh that’s right. The geezer. I look back to Gon.

“I still can’t believe you came all this way,” I say.

He brings me into another hug. I almost pull away out of embarrassment but he’s so warm I can’t bring myself to.“Of course. I’d go anywhere for you Killua,” he says. “I really wanted to see you.”

We just hug for a few moments until I hear Leorio whisper to Kurapika, “What are we, chopped liver? I mean we came here for Killua too. The least he can do is thank us.”

And without missing a beat, I hear Kurapika reply, “Oh don’t worry about it. You saw those two on the airship on the way to the final phase of the hunter exam. They seem to be getting pretty close pretty fast. Of course Killua would be so excited to see him he wouldn’t thank us right away.”

Upon hearing this, I quickly pull away from Gon, my face feeling hot. Gon notices this and looks at me curiously.

“What’s wrong?”

“N-Nothing?” Kurapika and Leorio saw Gon and I holding hands on that airship? Dammit, so embarrassing. But I guess I should thank those two as well so I look over to them. “Thanks you two as well. I appreciate you coming to see me as well.”

“See? He thanked us as well,” Kurapika tells Leorio.

“Fine,” Leorio says, still annoyed, and then he loudly says, “If you two lovebirds over there are done, maybe we should go now.”

“Leorio!” Kurapika scolds.

I feel my face getting even hotter. I know Leorio’s just trying to piss me off but why did he say that word? Its so embarrassing. I rush to change the subject to save myself more embarrassment. I look over at Gotoh.

“Hey Gotoh! What’s the big deal? You said you’d let me know when they were here right away.”

“My apologies Master Killua.”

“Its ok,” Gon says, “They were just keeping us entertained.”

“Oh ok then. So, come on let’s get out of here. Like anywhere but here. If I stay any longer, my mom will chew all of us out.”

Gon nods.

“Oh and Gotoh? Don’t follow me no matter what Mom said.”

“Understood Master Killua.”

“Good. Come on Gon.”

Finally, I’m with Gon again. My mood instantly picked up. As long as I don’t have to deal with my family again and I’m with Gon, everything is fine. We all leave immediately.

Once we all get back to the city, I finally breathe a sigh of relief. I’m glad to be away from there. I look around and no one is following us so thats good. Gon had the bright idea to use a tourist visa instead of his new hunters license which...why the hell did he do that? He told me it was because he refused to use it until he punched Hisoka in the face. Oh yea...his wounded pride. I almost forgot about that. Kurapika tells us that Hisoka told him the Phantom Troupe will be in Yorknew City in 6 month for an auction and Leorio tells us he’s going to study for medical school. We all agree to meet up in Yorknew City then. So Kurapika and Leorio go on their own. I’m actually pretty happy its just Gon and I. Now I can finally talk to him.

“Hey Gon.”

“Yea?”

How can I say this? Sorry for betraying you? That wouldn’t work. But before I can say anything, he talks.

“Oh but before you say anything, I wanna say I’m sorry.”

Wha-? What’s he sorry for?

“I was pretty stubborn when I fought Hanzo. I just wanted to win so badly because I knew if I won I would become a hunter. Then after he just surrendered, I didn’t understand. It felt like he was pitying me like Hisoka did. But if I understood, then he wouldn’t have knocked me out and I could’ve been there to watch your matches. And if I was...I mean I know the things your brother said to you hurt you too but maybe if I was there things wouldn’t have ended so badly. Maybe I could have reassured you.”

I can’t believe it. He thinks he’s at fault for what happened? No way...how long has Gon been feeling like this? How could I let him think this was his fault? Even if he was there, all that probably would have still happened and he would’ve seen my betrayal first hand.

“No it was my fault you idiot!” I exclaim as I break down and start to cry. “I let my big brother get to me. And I….betrayed you. I’m sorry Gon!”

“You didn’t betray me.”

“But I did. Illumi said unless I fought and defeated him, he’d kill you. I wanted to fight him but I was too scared.”

“I know; Mr Satotz told me, but I don’t blame you. Your brother is pretty intimidating huh? I kinda fought him a little so he’d tell me where you went.”

Gon fought him? I was too scared but Gon fought him knowing he’d lose? Even though he knew Illumi might kill him? All for me? That’s so...sweet and stupid. He could have easily been killed but I guess Gon never considers these things. Oh well. I dry my tears so I can listen more.

“Besides,” he continued, “he didn’t kill me so its all good. But I was really worried when you just left without a word.”

I look down. “Oh sorry about that Gon. I was kinda not...really myself.”

“I know; your brother was controlling you wasn’t he?”

What? Where did Gon get that idea? Was Illumi controlling me? I don’t think so. I mean I _was_ kind of not really aware of my surroundings but I don’t think he was controlling me. Was he?

“I’m not sure,” I admit. “But I promise I won’t do that again. I promise I won’t just ditch you like that ever again.”

Gon pats me on the shoulder. “ Don’t worry about it. Its ok. ”

“Its really ok? You don’t hate me?”

Gon smiles before taking my hands into his own. “Of course I don’t hate you Killua. You’re my best friend. I like you like a lot!”

I look down our hands and I feel my face getting hot again. I look around and I could’ve sworn I saw people staring. I quickly pull my hands away from Gon’s.

“I-Idiot. We’re in public. You can’t be doing that kind of thing in public!”

“Ok then lets go somewhere else.” 

“Wha-?” Before I can say anything else, Gon leads me somewhere a little more private. Not many people are around here and Gon takes my hands into his own once again.

“Ok lets try this again. I really like you Killua. You’re my best friend.” 

I look down at our hands again and while I’m distracted, he quickly kisses me on the cheek. With my face flushed, I look back up at him and I notice his face is also a little red.  It takes me a moment to react but when I do, I pull away from him in embarrassment  and touch my cheek with my hand.

“W-Why did you do that Gon?” I ask.

“Was I not supposed to? But I thought if you like someone, kissing them was perfectly acceptable.”

“Where did you hear that from?”

“Aunt Mito told me if you really like someone, show it with a kiss.”

“Are you sure she didn’t mean if you...you know,” I just glance at him before I look back down in embarrassment, “you know...love someone?”

Gon thinks for a moment.  “ Oh you mean like what Leorio said earlier? Something about lovebirds?”

Oh god; Gon actually remembers that? I blocked it from my memory because  it was so embarrassing that  Leorio actually said that.

“Um Gon? He was just trying to get back at me for not remembering his name.”

“Oh. But was he right? Are we lovebirds? I’m not sure. Actually I’m not even sure what that word means. All I know though is that I really like you. So I wanted to kiss you. Isn’t that reason enough?”

I groan in embarrassment. At least Gon took us to a more private area but still...does he really like me that way? Ugh this is so confusing. If Gon didn’t like me in that way, why would he do that then ? Why would he kiss me?  Unless he does like me in that way.  I look at him. He has a look of confusion on his face. I can tell; he thinks he did something wrong by kissing me. I smile and to reassure him, I plant a  quick  kiss on his cheek.  Oh my god I actually kissed him. I’m glad no one saw that.

Gon’ s look of confusion disappears and he smiles again. God that smile is so cute. I suppose kissing each other isn’t so bad. But do we love each other? I donno;  it seems he doesn’t either. Maybe one day we’ll know for sure  but for now, this is perfect.


End file.
